>Four Less Wisdom, Not So Wise

>They call them your wisdom teeth because you usually get them around the age of 18, the age of wisdom. Obviously whoever called them that never raised a teen-ager. I personally think they should be called “retarded teeth” or “ridiculous teeth” or “who’s flippen bright idea was this teeth”.

Most if not all dentists tell you they really have no use and generally for the overall health should come out. Many say that if they don’t bother you them leave them alone. Which I was all for until I got braces last year at the ripe “unwise” age of 37.


Nineteenish years ago I joined the NAVY and at my entrance physical I asked my highly trained Naval dentist if I should get my wisdom teeth out. Primarily because I has been one of the unfortuneate kids to have had my incisor tooth grow from my upper gum and stick out horribly for most of my life. I figured the extra space would give this teeth room to move into a more naturally aligned position. Naturally.

Guess the dentist thought otherwise. He proceeded to ask me if my retarded teeth bothered or hurt me. In hind sight I would have faked an agonizing screem right there and threatened to remove them with pliers if he didn’t. But no at that time I just sweetly said “no”. At which he proceeded to say” then leave them in”.

Fast forward to 4 months ago when my ugly I tooth finally starts moving and aligning itself with the rest of my teeth there just isn’t enough room. So all of the front teeth on the right side start moving forward. I now look like a cross between Ugly Betty and a chimpanzee. So the orthodontist tells me its time to get my retarded teeth removed.

Enter wonderful Oral Surgeon with 30 years experience.

My top two stupid teeth erupted a long time ago and have had many good years of chewing my cud. The bottom two have stayed tucked like little cowards or more like termites beneath my gum line. I say termites because like the little pests you know they’re there you just don’t know the damage they’ve caused until you go in and assess the damage.

After taking a panogram of my whole mouth he proceeds to tell me he wishes he could have gotten them out TWENTY YEARS AGO.


In the years these stupid teeth have been left in my mouth the top two grew into my sinus cavities and the bottom two became bosom buddies with my lower facial nerve. The right one in fact fusing itself together and completely cocooning my facial nerve to where tooth and nerve resembled something more a kin to the spinal cord.

He knocked me totally out and later I found he had to cut my tooth into several pieces to break it say from the nerve. Thankfully with his years of experience he didn’t damage the nerve but he did bruise the he’ll out of it.

So now a half a bottle of narcotics and Aleve and a week later my lower right mouth is still totally numb and yet hurts like crazy. I can’t feel half of my chin or lower lip and I’m not quite sure the toothbrush is touching my teeth unless I’m looking right at it.

The worst part is its only added to my current primate beauty and I’m sporting a very lopsided set of buck teeth.

I can’t wait for my next brace wire and hopefully I’ll look human again before long. The question is will I feel my face then too?

Tune in for my next next episode of”Chimp Betty”


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